


The Four Horsemen of the Apocalyptic Hangover

by jprongs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Band Fic, Marauders Friendship, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Multi, Platonic Marauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 18:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6818857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jprongs/pseuds/jprongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regulus Black is sick of just being known as the little brother of The Marauders' front man, Sirius Black - or worse, confused for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Four Horsemen of the Apocalyptic Hangover

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angry-space-ravenclaw](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=angry-space-ravenclaw).



> This fic takes place in the same 'verse as 'One Night Only' and 'A Mix of Jager and Jealousy', just it is set long before either of them. 
> 
> Written for lala-lady-lupin/elena // angry-space-ravenclaw since she's having a shite week.

“C’mon, a few more rounds and then we’ll call it!”

“You said that about six double-vodka-cokes ago.”

“Ah, well. Absinthe?”

“Fuck off. Aren’t _you_ supposed to be managing _us_?”

“I am. I’m managing to get you pissed, Lupin. Shut up and drink.”

“Christ, Reg, what are ya’ like?”

 

“Aren’t you Sirius Black?!”

He laughed. “Nah, gorgeous. I’m his better-looking younger brother.”

“You look just like him, except-”

“Except for these gorgeous baby blues. I know. He’s got dull grey eyes.”

“I didn’t know he had a brother!”

“I do enjoy a good surprise, meself, but enough about Sirius.”

 

“Wake up, Reg, you useless twat. Put some pants on and manage summit.”

Regulus Black opened his eyes to a very bright bunk and a very minty-smelling lookalike brushing his teeth about six inches from his face.

“Didn’t bring you along to sleep in and drink all the fucking beer, mate. Get on with it!” And with that, Sirius bounded along down the row of bunks before diving into what Regulus deemed must be Peter’s by the grunts and yelling.

“Fuck’s sake.” He groaned, rubbing his face. “How much did I drink last night?”

“If it’s nearly as much as you made me drink, I hope you burn in hell, Reg.” Remus mumbled under his breath, walking passed in just boxers, a ratty t shirt, argyle socks, and sunglasses.

Everyone on the bus handled a hangover differently. Sirius was like a god damned walking ray of sunshine while Remus was no doubt digging through the front of the bus for some ibuprofen to swallow with his pot of coffee. Peter preferred to sleep all day, but based off of the sounds echoing through his already throbbing head, Sirius was having none of that.

And then there was James. “C’mon, lads! Interview in an hour!” He was undoubtedly still drunk from the previous night as he was the last one in and was already drinking a beer while stuffing his face with toast as he followed Remus.

“Best get fresh for the cameras!” Sirius beamed.

“Mention cameras again and I’m going to shove the first one I see straight up your arse.”

“Oi, testy this morning, are we, Remus?” Sirius laughed. “Bet you’d like to shove something else up my arse.”

“Sod off.”

He figured he should brave the sad excuse for a tour bus and get himself together. After putting on a pair of joggers and a t-shirt, Regulus got up from his bunk, cracked his back and rubbed his temples. The bus, which was parked at a rest stop, was spinning in all sorts of directions. If only he could just make it to the bathroom.

Right before his very eyes, though, Peter stumbled out of his own bunk and directly into the only toilet on the bus. His heart sank, but his stomach rose - directly into his throat with whatever alcoholic contents were left. The only option was to dart off the bus and lean his palms on the side of it while he puked his guts out, narrowly avoiding his socks.

The door opened to his right and without even looking up, he was well aware that it was his brother. Sirius’ laugh always gave him away as it could carry itself across the entire country given the right circumstance.

“Really, Reg? That bad?” Sirius skipped past him.

“Aw, leave him alone! Ickle Reggy just can’t handle adult beverages,” James teased.

“Better in than out, mate.” Peter clapped him on the back before putting his hood over his head and walking towards the shop. “Need anything?”

“No, ta.”

Once back on the bus, Remus already had a coffee ready for him. “And that’s why we don’t drink absinthe.”

 

“Any questions we shouldn’t ask them?” The producer asked him about the band’s late night television interview - which was being filmed at one in the afternoon.

Whistling, Regulus laughed. “Unless you want James and Sirius to go off into a tangent, don’t ask who’s the lead singer. They’ll take up your entire segment bickering like an old married couple.”

“Sexuality?”

“If you want to be unoriginal.” Regulus shrugged. “They’re all just going to tell you it’s fluid - except for Peter.”

“Fair enough.”

“Don’t ask Remus any direct questions. It makes him uncomfortable. Ask Sirius what he thinks about something to prompt Remus to talk - if he’s feeling up to it. And asking James anything about our self-recorded EP is, as always, completely off limits.”

“How about Peter’s arrest?”

“They all find it hysterical, but the story is a bit old by this point. That US tour was six months ago.”

“Any suggestions, then?”

Regulus grinned and nodded. “Ask Peter about his production work. Ask James about the writing process and you’ll get Remus to talk a bit because they do a lot of it together. And ask Sirius about volunteering with youth programs.”

Julie tilted her head sideways. “You’ve thought about this a bit?”

“I just know what makes them tick.”

 

“Hey Reg?”

Looking up, he saw Peter leaning on the wall beside him, but without his usual peaky smile. “Yeah?”

“You got a minute?”

Nodding, Regulus stood up from his spot on the floor where he’d been sat tweaking the itinerary for the few days they had off from their current Festival tour. He closed his laptop and set it on the windowsill. “You alright, Pete? You look, well, like shite.”

Peter motioned to walk outside, grabbing a cigarette out of the pack in his back pocket and offering one to him.

“Ta, mate.” Outside the sun was absolutely blazing. He missed the cool, rainy, muggy weather back home and the Spanish summer wasn’t doing so well for him. “So, what’s going on?”

Exhaling smoke through his nose, Peter spun his cap around backwards and sighed. “I just need a vent.”

“Go on, then.”

He took a few more drags of his cigarette before speaking again, obviously quite bothered. “Just rang Amelia.”

Regulus’ heart sank for him. “Aw, mate…” He knew that look.

“What Benjy said was true. She admitted it.”

Flicking his half-smoked cigarette, Regulus frowned and then put his arms around the other man. “Then she wasn’t worth the effort of trying to work things out. Let her go off with Podmore and forget about her. You’re a bloody drummer and you could be rolling in the hot women!”

He stifled a laugh, but hugged Regulus back. “I just can’t believe after six years together, she’d throw everything away for some random bloke we used to go to school with. It doesn’t make any sense to me.” Leaning back against the brick wall in the alley behind the venue, Peter shook his head. “And normally I tell James all of this, but with what time of year it is…”

“Yeah, he’ll be no good right now. Any mention of an ‘L’ word had better be ‘Lesbians’ right now, otherwise he’ll go catatonic.” Regulus elbowed Peter playfully. With that, the both of them doubled over trying to catch their breath from the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

“I feel for him though.”

“We all do.” With a deep breath, he looked up and into the window that was definitely the practice room, where James would’ve locked himself until the start of the show.

 

“I don’t know if I can do it.” Remus puffed on his inhaler as Sirius rubbed his back and Regulus was sat on his calves in front of him.

“Yes, you can. You do it a hundred times a year. This is no different.” Regulus tried to comfort him, patting his knee as the bassist’s legs had given out completely when he’d looked at the crowd during the band that was playing right before them.

“C’mon Moony! It’s only Leeds. Stick your sunglasses on and just focus on how bloody gorgeous I look.” Sirius winked and rubbed his nose against the other man’s ear.

Remus shook his head. “Only Leeds? Leeds _Festival_ , you fucking twat. How many thousands of people are out there?” He used his inhaler again, still hyperventilating. “Light me a fucking cigarette, Pads.”

“That’s counter-productive. You can’t smoke if you can’t breathe.” Regulus pushed Sirius’ hand away from the pack on the ground and bit his lip. “Would alcohol help? I’ve got a fifth of vodka just in my bag. Give me a minute to run and get it, alright?”

“I’ll chug the fucking bottle.”

Wrinkling his nose, Sirius stood and pulled Remus up with him. “Whatever gets you going.”

Regulus shared one of those silent agreements with his older brother and then ran down to get his bag. Truthfully he didn’t have a whole fifth of vodka. It was only a quarter of the way full, but Remus would never know the difference in his state, so he poured a water bottle in and and then ran back.

Sirius apparently had taken away his inhaler and given him a paper bag. James and Peter were hovering over him now as well. Regulus was just hoping that there weren’t any bloggers or reporters hanging about backstage. They’d done pretty well keeping his nerves out of the public eye - it wasn’t anyone else’s business.

 

Why was he up at this ridiculous hour - whatever hour it might be? Regulus rubbed his knuckles into his eyes until they felt slightly raw and gave a hearty yawn. Looking at his phone to check the time, he groaned. Six in the bloody morning. Either way, now that he was up, he needed a piss.

The only problem was that when he tried to open the door, someone else had locked it.

“Fuck off and go back to bed.” The terrible person who was keeping Reg from having an early morning slash grumbled.

“C’mon. If you’re gonna have a wank, at least let me have a wee first!”

“Piss outside.”

“James?” Regulus frowned and leaned against the door. “James, you alright, mate?”

“Fucking peachy. Now piss off.”

“Open up.”

“No.”

Rolling his eyes, he went and fetched his pocket knife and returned to the bathroom door. He flicked it open and fumbled it into the lock until the lock popped. Turning the doorknob, Regulus slipped into the bathroom to find James, still in his clothes from the previous night, hunched in the empty bathtub with his knees to his chest.

“James?”

“I told you to go fuck off somewhere else.”

What day was it? Oh. Oh, _fuck_. Regulus climbed over the side of the tub and sat down across from James, letting the faucet press into his back. He leaned forward and pulled James’ hands away from his face to reveal red, swollen eyes from crying all night.

“ _Please_ , just leave me alone.” He begged, pulling his hands back.

“James, mate.” He grabbed James’ baccy off the edge of the tub and rolled them each a cigarette. He never understood why he for some strange reason preferred to roll his own cigarettes except for the aesthetic of doing it, but at times like these, it was nice. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Accepting the cigarette that Regulus rolled for him, James lit it and inhaled, sniffing away tears. “Today marks two years without  even a bloody phone call. It’s like she just vanished.”

“I know.”

“I still see her in every fucking red-headed girl that walks passed and a part of me still expects her to welcome me home anytime we’re back in Chester. I just don’t understand. I know it was all fucked up at the end and it was really hard for her, but it was for me too. I don’t know if I’ll ever figure out how to keep doing this.”

“You will,” Regulus reassured him.

“Two years and I still miss her.”

“We all do, James. I know it’s not the same as you, but we do.”

He exhaled smoke and looked up at Regulus. “I know, and I’m sorry.”

“What the fuck do you have to be sorry for?”

“Maybe if I would’ve taken some time off and not toured so much, then, I don’t know.”

“Stop beating yourself up for it.” Regulus offered him a smile. “Relationships end. It happens. You had a horrible break up with a lot of words left unsaid, but you followed your dreams.”

“I see her everywhere. I can’t stop thinking about Lily fucking Evans. It doesn’t matter what I do or who I’m with - girls, guys, anyone.” James slammed his head backwards into the tile.

Regulus bit his lip as he flicked ash from his cigarette over James’ leg and into the toilet.

And then James looked up with those big chocolate puppy-eyes, still bloodshot, and shook his head. “Make me forget her, Reg.”

For a few seconds he waffled, watching James struggle to keep himself from having another meltdown. He could break his composure for a minute, right? And he did. Regulus let his cigarette fall into the toilet and leaned forward, grabbing James by the neck of his hoodie and pulling his lips to his own.

He did what he always did for these four arseholes: _Manage_.

Initially James froze, obviously taken by complete surprise, but when Regulus smiled into the kiss and led, James let his own cigarette fall and kissed him back. It wasn’t as if he’d never kissed a guy before, but he’d never kissed - actually never even considered kissing - James Potter. It was bloody good. All he could hear was their shared breaths and lips trying to find a rhythm.

After a few moments, Regulus pulled back just as James sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. It caused him to open his eyes again, meeting his own icy ones.

“What was that about?” James grinned.

“You told me to make you forget,” he laughed. “Did it work?”

Instead of a response, he felt James’ nose brush his before a hand wrapped around the back of his neck.

“What in the bloody-”

“Sirius!” James choked, trying not to laugh.

His older brother had flung the bathroom door open and had the most stunned look since they all realized Remus was the most well hung of the group. “Okay, well, I think I smoked too much last night.” He scratched the back of his head. “I’m going to walk back to bed and try this again…”

Once he left, the two of them couldn’t help but begin to crack up, Regulus leaning his forehead on James’ shoulder.

With a wicked grin, James kissed him once more before pushing himself up on the edges of the bath tub. “Thanks, Reg.” He ruffled his hair and gave him a nod. “ _Really_.”

Swallowing, Regulus leaned back against the faucet and started to roll another cigarette as James ran out after Sirius. “Anytime, mate.” And yet again he was left a bit confused and with too much of a hard on to actually take that morning piss he’d originally stumbled in here for.

 

“How are they so bloody athletic?” Remus panted.

Regulus stopped, putting his hands on his knees. “I’ve got no fucking clue. All they do is drink and smoke.”

“And kiss boys in bath tubs,” he teased.

“Fuck off.”

“Oh come off it, Reg. We’ve all snogged James at some point.” He stretched his arms out over his head and then flopped down to sit against the curb as James, Peter, and Sirius continued their run.

At this point it seemed that they were giving up on keeping in tow with the other three on their morning run.

Remus smiled and unscrewed the cap on his water bottle. “Just none of us knew you were so inclined.”

“You never asked.”

“Should we need to?” He took a drink and then offered it over. “I mean, none of us care either way - we’re all fucking bent one way or another. ‘Cept Pete.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, accepting the bottle and then laying back onto the sidewalk. Where were they? Sometimes he lost track.

“I mean, I’ll keep it in mind next time I’m on a dry spell.”

With that Regulus looked up to see the wicked smirk on Remus’ face. “You’re such a dickhead.”

“You aren’t the first to say that, probably won’t be the last.”

“I’m sure.”

“Do you like, _like_ James?”

This caused Regulus to break into a fit of laughter and nearly spit water all over. “Just because I kiss a bloke when he’s having a rough day doesn’t mean I’m pining like a love sick puppy.” He wasn’t, right? “Nah, it’s no big. Was fun, but he’d take up too much time in the mirror and I lived with Sirius long enough to know what that’s like. He’s fit as fuck, but, to answer your question: no. I was just being a good manager - managing James’ mental breakdown.”

“Fair enough. Shall we grab a Macky’s while they’re off being healthy?”

“Remus bloody Lupin, you have my entire fucking heart.” Regulus grinned and pushed himself back to his feet.

The McDonalds around the corner was quite busy, much to Regulus’ dismay as it meant that Remus was wearing his sunglasses inside. On the bright side, it was warm. They did manage to find a booth and with their greasy, probably microwaved trays of food and were sat stirring their coffees and unwrapping their sandwiches when two girls approached them.

“Holy shit, you’re Sirius Black!” The first one squealed.

Rolling his eyes, he shook his head and tried to correct her, but the other one cut him off.

“Can we get a picture?!” _Not again._

Running a hand through his hair, Regulus cocked a brow. “I’m not Sirius Black, love.”

Remus was hiding behind his coffee, trying to let his hair fall into his face and possibly blend in with the cushion at their booth.

When both girls looked confused, he sighed. “I’m his brother, Regulus. Sorry to disappoint.”

“Oh,” The first girl frowned. “Sorry.”

Scratching the back of his neck, Remus was obviously trying not to laugh as they walked away without their photo.

“Shut it, Lupin.”

“Well, you both do look alike, having the same bloody awful hair, and there’s a few minor differences. But, you _are_ his brother.”

 

Cracking his shoulders, Regulus looked himself over in the mirror before leaving the men’s room. He was meeting the lads at the record label to discuss recording their sophomore album, artistic liberties, and tours. This was the defining moment. Straightening his tie - fuck knew how he remembered how to still do up one of these since before sixth form - Regulus checked over his new look before walking out to wait for those three.

“Regulus Black, you gorgeous bastard.”

After a quick wink to himself he walked out and towards the lobby. No doubt they would be getting here any minute. He flipped through the few files he had in his folder and then shoved them back into the briefcase that he’d pulled out of the attic in the house they rented. It looked vintage, so from there he’d bought a suit that matched. The whole look felt really binding and not exactly made for comfort, but damn, did he look good. Quickly he ran a hand through his hair, or well, the freshly lack thereof.

Right on cue James and Sirius pushed through the revolving door, bickering over who was going to be able to do the most talking. Behind them, Peter was fumbling with some scribbled notes and Remus had his hands shoved into his jacket pockets to keep them from shaking. All four of them nearly walked straight passed him until he cleared his throat.

Sirius looked over and his eyes went as wide as a cartoon. He froze in place and then threw his hands up. “What in the - “ He covered his eyes, spun in place, and then looked again. “Okay, no, that _is_ what I saw.”

“You look…” James was trying not to laugh.

Peter just gawked.

Remus smirked and shrugged. “He looks fit, manager-like.”

“Are you bunch of arseholes ready or should we stay sat around playing with ourselves for another half an hour?” He finally broke the blank expression on his face and mirrored the grin on his brother’s face. When they all nodded, he straightened himself up, set his shoulders back and led them into the conference room on the twelfth floor with a new, sober confidence.

For the first time since they’d started trying to get a deal, James and Sirius were essentially silent for the entire meeting unless spoken to.

“So with that being said, considering the amount they made in both the UK and US markets on their first album, for you to offer such a minute deal for their second album is laughable. You’re the one that signed them for one album, Al. It isn’t my fault that I have other representatives calling me to set up a meeting. EMI offered a much friendlier recording bonus and a tour with the Arctic Monkeys.”

At that, he was nearly positive, without even looking, that James nearly pissed himself at the mere mention.

“Don’t get me wrong, we’re grateful, but I need to do what’s best for The Marauders as both a manager and a brother.” After a pause to look back at the four wide-eyed sods and wink, he turned again to Al and shrugged, “So, make us an offer.”

On the way out with the papers that they had refused to sign without ‘extensively looking them over first’, James and Sirius were basically nipping at his heels to find out what the fuck was going on.

“Did EMI seriously call you?”

“The Arctic Monkeys? Blimey, Reg. Screw these.”

Remus was the only one to start laughing and clap Regulus on the back. “You just bluffed them, didn’t you?”

Running a hand over his hair again, he nodded. “Bluffed the fuck out of them.”

“That’s a good lad! Drinks are on you, then, Mister Suit and Tie,” Peter said, holding the door for him as a tease.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully you enjoyed me delving into Regulus. Might hit back on him later on, but it was definitely fun.
> 
> This takes place about two years before 'A Mix of Jager and Jealousy' and six years before 'One Night Only'. 
> 
> Kudos, comments, and the lot are absolutely golden. Also, feel free to find me on tumblr: jprongsx (or my main blog, prongsquake)!
> 
> **Title is the 'four' horsemen because James was still drunk in the morning.


End file.
